Week 16: D1

After reading Chapter 16 in its entirety, answer the following question: Why do you think people have such negative views of conflict?  Do you think that as people know more about conflict, they fear it less?   Why or why not?

I believe that a lot of people have such a negative view on conflict because of past experiences. Not everyone knows how to handle conflict in an ideal way and it is easy for relationships to turn sour because of it. Most of the time due to the bad past experiences, people will try to avoid the conflict, afraid that something similar will happen again. I know that many people do not like conflict because they see how the issue can be the beginning of ending a relationship they treasure. Also people do not know how to positively come up with an outcome when they are in a conflicting situation with others.

It is good for people to learn more about how to deal with conflict, or conflict issues in general. I think when people know more about conflict they will fear it less. I can see how people’s perspectives change once they learn how the outcomes of conflicts can be good for the relationship. I was one of those people who did not like to be involved with conflict, but once I have learn more about the subject I saw how beneficial conflicts could be.  

Week 16: D2

Summarized what you liked most and what you liked least about this class.  In other words, what were the strengths and weaknesses of this class?  Would you recommend this class to another student? Why or why not?

There were a lot of things that I liked in this class. One thing in particular I liked about this class was some of the materials we covered. I thought that it was very relatable since we all tend to get into conflicts with our relationships. I also liked the project that we had to do for the class. Even though it was a lot of work, it was fun to teach the concepts that I have learned.

One of the strengths of this class to me was that it was flexible; I was able to do assignments and quizzes on my own time. I guess a weakness of this class was the fact that we don’t really get to meet anyone in the class.

I would recommend this class to other people because I feel people can learn very practical skills. I also thought that a lot of students could benefit from the concepts I have learned and be able to try to solve their own conflicts. Professor Perez also made it super easy to be able to communicate with her, which was crucial in a class that meets online.

Week 16: D3

What did you learn over the course of the semester? Please give extensive detail. 

I think one concept that stuck out to me this semester was the communication options in conflict. It was so fascinating to me that it was something I talked about in my workshop. I saw how relevant these options were to myself and everyone else. I believe that we chose the options unintentionally as well. By seeing the table of the concerns and outcomes of each behavior was helpful as I saw how each approach showed what behaviors.  

Another thing I learned this semester was to rather resolve conflict with collaboration instead of a compromise. I used to always think compromising was the way to go since it looked ideal to have a mutual agreement. It is because collaboration seems to last longer than a compromise solution. After learning about the difference, I now strive for more of a collaboration approach.

All in all I learned a lot over the course of the semester. Many of the concepts were very practical as I applied them in my life.  

Week 11: D1

Going back to Chapter 10, answer the following question:  Do an Internet search using the terms forgiveness, reconciliation, and revenge.  What kinds of sites do you find?  Which term produces more sites?  Why do you think that is?

I used Google to make the search on forgiveness, reconciliation and revenge.

The first thing that came up for forgiveness was the Wikipedia link and after that it was a link to mayo clinic. Followed that was a bunch of articles ranging from NY Times to Psychology Today. As for reconciliation, the first link was to Wikipedia but it was reconciliation as a United States Congress term. Afterwards are links to sites that give the definition of the term. For revenge the first thing that shows up is the ABC drama. Even after that there were a lot of links regarding to the show.

The term that produces the more sites is revenge, in which according to Google with 60 million results. Forgiveness was right behind it with a little over 50 million, but reconciliation was around 11 million. One reason I believe that is the case is because of the television show, which added more result to the term. I also think a lot of people are having the revenge state of mind when they are in a conflict.  But as for credible results to the term, forgiveness is the winner. Through all the articles in my search I see how important forgiveness is to society.

Week 11: D2

After reading Chapter 12 in its entirety, answer the following question: When have false attributions you have made about another exacerbated a conflict situation?  Have there been times when making accurate attributions about the other has helped you? 

The attribution theory “states that people act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior”.  Recently I got in a fight with a friend and during the fight I made an internal attributions towards him. I said that he was lazy because he didn’t finish his stuff on time. When I made it, it sparked his fire more because he did not like the comment I made about him from my judgments. But I soon realize it was because he was tired from all the other stuff that he was doing during the week, which caused him to not finish on time.

There are times when I do make the right attributions and it was helpful. It makes the other person see what I am noticing about them with the argument. For instance when I fight with my “older sister” I will point something out about her, like why she is acting the way she is or what she cannot admit. Once she sees that, she will confess what I said about her is true and we seem to solve the problem much faster. 

Week 11: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences

I thought the idea of displaced conflict in chapter 12 was interesting. This happens when people direct their conflict towards the wrong person, because they are avoiding a confrontation with the appropriate person. We often do this on someone we feel “safe” with since we understand how this person will not get back at us and are patient with us. I think that this idea is very relatable because I often see it with others and myself. Often times I get mad with one of my best friends but I would not let the anger out on her. But instead I will release my anger to my parents or my other friends. I think I do this because I do not want to confront my friend in a fear of upsetting her and damaging the relationship. Another reason why I do it is because I know she is sensitive, if it is not a big deal I will just release my frustration to someone else. I know this is not the best solution but thankfully the ones who I displace the conflict on understand where I am coming from. 

Week 10: D1

After reading Chapter 9 in its entirety, answer the following question: If you are a member of a social networking website such as Facebook, think about the way you use it.  How do you present yourself?  What impressions do you hope people will get from reading your profile?  Have there been times people have posted something on your profile that you wished they hadn’t? 

I thought the idea of face is interesting, especially when it comes to it online. It is easy to portray someone online because we can gauge what we post about ourselves online for others to see. In recent years I became picky in the things that I would post on my Facebook or Instagram because I realized that I want people to know only certain things about me. It is also I don’t want to over share my life either.

I would like people to think I am a normal and fun girl on my Facebook and in all the other social networking website. Yes there are times when people post pictures of my past; like embarrassing middle school pictures that I do not want people to see. Also I do not like it when people post pictures of me at parties because I am friends with my bosses and co-workers on Facebook. I try to make sure what is posted online about me is presentable. 

Week 10: D2

After reading Chapter 10 in its entirety, answer the following question: Is there an event in your life that you find difficult to forgive?  What is it?  What makes it so difficult to forgive the other person?  If you are not experiencing a difficult event now, describe a past even that you have found difficult to forgive. 

I experienced many situations where I found it hard to forgive the other person. Right now I am finding it hard to forgive one my friends because he lied to me for a long period of time. We were considered to be “best friends” but in our relationship we had some misunderstanding. Due to the misunderstanding he was disappointed at me and he started to lie to me about a lot of things. It took him about half a year before he told me that was lying all this time and that he finally is okay with me and asked for my forgiveness. I told him I forgave him, but honestly I don’t think I did. It has been almost 2 years since then and I still find it hard to fully whole-heartedly forgive him.

I feel like it is hard to forgive because I was so emotional hurt by what happened and I do not know if I accept his apology. Every time he tries to even talk to me it is hard for me to talk to him. I guess it will just take some time before I can really forgive him.

Week 10: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

The concept that I want to talk about is unforgiveness in chapter 10. This means that one person does not let go of that anger and the idea of revenge on the other person. This is actually not healthy because it does lead to revenge and that can cause evil. Not only that but revenge can also harm someone for the rest of his or her lives.

Personally I never did anything to physically harm people because I was unforgiving, but I have done some pretty crazy things when it comes to revenge. One time I remember that I did not want to forgive someone because he wronged me. I was so mad at him that I went behind his back and made sure that he did not get the things he deserved. Basically a teacher/coach who I was sort of close to ask me about this person and asked me if he should put him into a game and I said no because he was not ready and he sucks. Of course afterwards I regretted it and I see how unforgiveness can be harmful.

Week 9: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences

The concept that I want to talk about this week is anger-ins. This means that there is no expression of anger to the person that is upsetting us. The book describes how people do this when they have a hard time admitting that they are angry, know that they are angry but they don’t want to tell the person, tell others about their anger but not the one who upsets them, and may be passive aggressive.

I thought that this concept was interesting because I can see myself acting on this. One reason being is the fact that there are times when I do not want to tell the other person. For example I tend to get frustrated with my co-worker, who is also a good friend of mine, because there are times that I do not agree with her. I would get a bit angry with her but I do not want to tell her since I know I will get over it soon. I do not want her to know that I am angry with her because it might damage the relationship a bit. 

Week 9: D2

After reading Chapter 8 in its entirety, answer the following question: Are you a person who tends to blow up, do you express your anger calmly, or do you simply not express it at all?  What are the outcomes of expressing anger in this way?

I think I express anger in many different ways due to the situation that I am in.  Sometimes I tend to blow up but there are other times when I am calm. I am more likely to blow up if I am arguing with someone and I seem to cannot get my ideas into the other person’s head. I can get pretty heated up when I do not get my way or it seems as if this argument will not end. With this I have damage some relationships in the past because I acted irrationally. But this is a rather rare occurrence because I have learned to control my anger. When I act calmly, I tend to just listen to the person because I am interested in what they are saying. I think this happens because I treasure the relationship more and I do not want to blow on them. Because I act more calmly in a conflict I am able to solve it with more agreeable terms.

Week 9: D1

After reading Chapter 7 in its entirety, answer the following question: Look at your work and school commitments.  How might you apply each of the “three solutions” to improve how you feel about your job and school? 

I admit that I get pretty stressed out with work and school. But through all the stress there are solutions to make life a little more stress-free. One of the solutions is to differentiate work and play. We “play” to balance our workload. One thing that I do is go to the gym, something that I can do mindlessly, because it helps me get my mind off of the things I have to do for work or school. The second solution is to lighten up. Sometimes when I am work I tend to joke around more and just take things a little slow if I can. By giving a positive outlook at my projects, it makes it less stressful and hard. Lastly the third solution is to understand that joy and pain are often found in the same place. For me this means that writing that paper might be hard and long but at the end of it I feel relived.

Week 7: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

An interesting concept that I have seen applied in my life is powerless speech. The book states that powerless speech is talking up to others, making requests or asking questions. This normally happens when someone is nonassertive in the discussion or conversation.

I have seen people execute this concept in most group projects. I recall in high school there were always people in my group that does not seem like they care about what was going on or wanted to give any legit input.  When members of a group are incompetent, they would throw words like “could, maybe, I guess so, don’t know”. This is because they do not have any power in the group so they are not sure if their words can make a difference. When there is uncertainty, they give comments that seem to be rather easily dismissed so that at least it looks like they try in the discussion. To me I rather have someone say nothing than to give a powerless speech. 

Weel 7:D2

After reading Chapter 6 in its entirety, answer the following question: How does it feel when you are in an unbalanced power relationship?  What is it like to have more power?  Less power? 

In almost every relationship it seems as if there is always one person more dominant or powerful. Power in relationship is the ability to influence or have control over a situation. It is easy to use power to manipulate people.

When I am in an unbalanced power relationship I feel as if someone is trying to use and control me. I believe that we all face the unbalanced power relationship everyday.
It is nice to have more power because it feels like you are in control of what is going on. Your suggestions and comments actually might mean something because people would want to agree with you. When you have power you can determine if the goal will be met or not. At times we get out of hands with this power.  But having less power can be good as well because it means less stress and pressure on your part in the group. The bad part of this is sometimes you might not be heard and at times even threatened by people who are more powerful.

Week 7: D1

After reading Chapter 6 in its entirety, answer the following question: When have you ever lost your trust in someone?  How did you react to the loss of trust?  How was the trust restored?

Trust means a strong belief in someone’s honesty. We place our trust in someone because we think the other person will not hurt us and will keep our interest in mind.

I personally have lost trust in some people in the recent years. One time I lost my trust in one of my good friends because he wasn’t completely honest with me for months. I did not take it well because when I realized that I did not trust him anymore. I still recall how mad I was at him. The second I knew that I shouldn’t trust him anymore my stomach like sank. For a good four months I barely talk to him or even acknowledge his presence in our group. After this little grudge was over, I was not able to talk to him like I have before.

It took a long time, but around a year later my trust in him finally restored. He proved himself to me that he was trustworthy and he was not going to break that trust again. I have to say that our relationship isn’t the same as before but its slowly getting better and I am learning to trust him again.

Week 5: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

Defensiveness is an interesting and relatable topic. It typically happens when one of the parties do not want to admit that they are sensitive to their flaw. We get defensive when it seems as if the other person is not listening to us so we attack them.

I have been in situations where the person I was in conflict with was defensive. There are times when I get defensive because I did not want to be proven wrong or I was trying to protect something.  One time when I was arguing with my friend, he started to get mad and he just did not listen to anything that I have to say. After every other sentence or so he would stop me and start talking and attacking what I have to say or defending what his thoughts were. I mean normally I would give in because I knew that maybe I was not hearing him out and I would tell him sorry. 

Week 5: D2

After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question: What are you thinking about when others talk?  Do you concentrate on what they are saying or do you think about your own ideas instead?  After listening to someone, can you write down most of what that person told you?  If not, why?  

Listening is important when people are caught in a conflict. The book states some interesting behavior to make one a better listener: shifting attention towards the person, looking and making eye contact with the person, and understanding the person’s feelings. I also believe that listening to help pick up the pace to resolution.

Most of the time I try really hard to listen, but it is hard. There are times when I think about my own ideas because I want to get my opinion out there and there are times when I do concentrate on what the other person is saying. I can get so caught up in trying to win the argument that I will just block out the other person. When I am able to actually listen to the other person I would remember the main points. This normally happens when I give my full attention to the other person. I can still recall what some of my friends said to me during a conflict because I gave them my undivided attention at the time. 

Week 5: D1

After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question: How hard is it for you to stop a conflict?  If you find it easy to not respond automatically, what advice can you give others who have trouble with this step?  Whether you find this step difficult or not, what ways do you prefer if you try to take a “time out”?

Stopping is taking some time out of the conflict. The book discuss some of the ways that one can stop in a conflict: exit temporarily to calm one self, get a glass of water and take sups of it, count backwards to 100, change the topic for a while.

I have found it difficult for me to stop a conflict. I believe that it is hard for me because I just want to win in the situation so I keep arguing. Recently I have found myself to slowing down and stopping when I need to.

Sometimes if the conflict between someone just comes up I would normally stop talking and just calm myself down for a minute or two. Many times I would not walk out of the room but instead stay there quietly; letting them know that I am not abandoning them I just need some time to think and calm myself. When it is a slight conflict I would find myself just changing the topic for a while so the argument will not get too crazy.  This does not just help me but it also helps the other person as well because it calms them down and get their mind off of the conflict for a while.

Week 4: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

Under describing the dispute the term caucus was interesting. This term is used when the mediator steps aside with one of the disputant to discuss what he or she do not want the other person to know. A mediator would meet with all disputant privately so that it can help the mediator be unbiased. This also helps the parties understand and to contribute to the conversation in a more effective way. I thought this was interesting because I can relate to this concept. I often play the mediator between conflicts with my friends and I do set up meetings alone with each party to get each side of the story. Sometimes I would casually approach them and ask about how the relationship is going. Once I get them talking about it I would ask questions about if they still want to be friends with each other or not and how they have been feeling throughout this whole situation. At the end I would sometimes suggest them to talk to each other about what they are truly feeling and what they can do to compromise in the dispute. 

Week 4:D2

After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question: How might you use techniques such as fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground for solving problems that don’t involve interpersonal conflicts? 

Fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground play a good role in resolving interpersonal conflict, but these techniques can also be used to solve other problems.

Fractionation means to break down a big problem into little ones. We often can break problems down so it does not seem as overwhelming and it will also be easier to solve. For example, one might not like how the presentation of the project looks like. Instead of looking at the whole display as a problem, one should take parts of the display and figure out what makes it not pleasing, like color, placement, or the graphics.

Framing means for the mediator to ask questions so that the issue is explained with no bias or blame. In this case I might ask questions about what I should do when I have a conflicting task I need to do, like to study or to write a paper. This ties into reframing as well.

Common ground is having a basis for an agreement. With common ground, someone can use this with an intrapersonal conflict. When I am deciding on whether I should go to an all day event, I would think about the pro and cons of it. In doing so I would establish a base of what I should do, like work or homework, in order for me to go.