Week 5: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

Defensiveness is an interesting and relatable topic. It typically happens when one of the parties do not want to admit that they are sensitive to their flaw. We get defensive when it seems as if the other person is not listening to us so we attack them.

I have been in situations where the person I was in conflict with was defensive. There are times when I get defensive because I did not want to be proven wrong or I was trying to protect something.  One time when I was arguing with my friend, he started to get mad and he just did not listen to anything that I have to say. After every other sentence or so he would stop me and start talking and attacking what I have to say or defending what his thoughts were. I mean normally I would give in because I knew that maybe I was not hearing him out and I would tell him sorry. 

Week 5: D2

After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question: What are you thinking about when others talk?  Do you concentrate on what they are saying or do you think about your own ideas instead?  After listening to someone, can you write down most of what that person told you?  If not, why?  

Listening is important when people are caught in a conflict. The book states some interesting behavior to make one a better listener: shifting attention towards the person, looking and making eye contact with the person, and understanding the person’s feelings. I also believe that listening to help pick up the pace to resolution.

Most of the time I try really hard to listen, but it is hard. There are times when I think about my own ideas because I want to get my opinion out there and there are times when I do concentrate on what the other person is saying. I can get so caught up in trying to win the argument that I will just block out the other person. When I am able to actually listen to the other person I would remember the main points. This normally happens when I give my full attention to the other person. I can still recall what some of my friends said to me during a conflict because I gave them my undivided attention at the time. 

Week 5: D1

After reading Chapter 4 in its entirety, answer the following question: How hard is it for you to stop a conflict?  If you find it easy to not respond automatically, what advice can you give others who have trouble with this step?  Whether you find this step difficult or not, what ways do you prefer if you try to take a “time out”?

Stopping is taking some time out of the conflict. The book discuss some of the ways that one can stop in a conflict: exit temporarily to calm one self, get a glass of water and take sups of it, count backwards to 100, change the topic for a while.

I have found it difficult for me to stop a conflict. I believe that it is hard for me because I just want to win in the situation so I keep arguing. Recently I have found myself to slowing down and stopping when I need to.

Sometimes if the conflict between someone just comes up I would normally stop talking and just calm myself down for a minute or two. Many times I would not walk out of the room but instead stay there quietly; letting them know that I am not abandoning them I just need some time to think and calm myself. When it is a slight conflict I would find myself just changing the topic for a while so the argument will not get too crazy.  This does not just help me but it also helps the other person as well because it calms them down and get their mind off of the conflict for a while.

Week 4: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

Under describing the dispute the term caucus was interesting. This term is used when the mediator steps aside with one of the disputant to discuss what he or she do not want the other person to know. A mediator would meet with all disputant privately so that it can help the mediator be unbiased. This also helps the parties understand and to contribute to the conversation in a more effective way. I thought this was interesting because I can relate to this concept. I often play the mediator between conflicts with my friends and I do set up meetings alone with each party to get each side of the story. Sometimes I would casually approach them and ask about how the relationship is going. Once I get them talking about it I would ask questions about if they still want to be friends with each other or not and how they have been feeling throughout this whole situation. At the end I would sometimes suggest them to talk to each other about what they are truly feeling and what they can do to compromise in the dispute. 

Week 4:D2

After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question: How might you use techniques such as fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground for solving problems that don’t involve interpersonal conflicts? 

Fractionation, framing, reframing, and common ground play a good role in resolving interpersonal conflict, but these techniques can also be used to solve other problems.

Fractionation means to break down a big problem into little ones. We often can break problems down so it does not seem as overwhelming and it will also be easier to solve. For example, one might not like how the presentation of the project looks like. Instead of looking at the whole display as a problem, one should take parts of the display and figure out what makes it not pleasing, like color, placement, or the graphics.

Framing means for the mediator to ask questions so that the issue is explained with no bias or blame. In this case I might ask questions about what I should do when I have a conflicting task I need to do, like to study or to write a paper. This ties into reframing as well.

Common ground is having a basis for an agreement. With common ground, someone can use this with an intrapersonal conflict. When I am deciding on whether I should go to an all day event, I would think about the pro and cons of it. In doing so I would establish a base of what I should do, like work or homework, in order for me to go.

Week 4: D1

After reading Chapter 11 in its entirety, answer the following question: Why should communication majors make good mediators?  Why might lawyers and psychotherapists find it difficult to effectively play the role of mediator?  

A mediator is a third party of an affair with neutrality. One reason why communication majors would make a good mediator is because we understand concepts of how to communicate with people effectively. We have learned things like how to approach someone in conflicts, how to solve conflicts, how to listen, and how to have interpersonal relationships. We normally have an open mind because they are more relationship-centered, trying to restore a relationship instead of tearing it apart.

It will be hard for lawyers to play an effective role as a mediator because they might not be able to help restore communication and normalize the relationship. Lawyers will be biases because they have the their client’s or one person’s view in their mind.  A psychotherapist will not be a good mediator because this person will try to figure out the problem and will think of a way to fix the problem. As communication majors, we are to be always natural and listen to all sides of the story. 

Week 3: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.  

Gunny sacking means storing up anger or dissatisfaction until the person cannot hide it anymore. Normally the person will explode into anger because they cannot take what is being done anymore. This happens when a person is assertive in the conflict.

I have experience this a number of times throughout my life. A vivid memory of this was back in middle school when my teacher exploded on one of my friends. She was normally really nice and patient but one day she yelled at my friend in front of the whole class because he was being too disruptive. I remember how in shocked I was because I never seen her use such a tone on anyone. It must have been her last straw for her to yell at him like that. Afterwards he was quiet for the rest of class. I think she bottled it up every time my friend was being disruptive in class and that day she just couldn’t hide her anger anymore. Gunny sacking can be pretty scary and could be avoided by the person was not assertive in the conflict.