Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned
reading and discuss it. Be sure to
relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life
and/or experiences.
Defensiveness is an
interesting and relatable topic. It typically happens when one of the parties
do not want to admit that they are sensitive to their flaw. We get defensive
when it seems as if the other person is not listening to us so we attack them.
I have been in situations
where the person I was in conflict with was defensive. There are times when I
get defensive because I did not want to be proven wrong or I was trying to
protect something. One time when I
was arguing with my friend, he started to get mad and he just did not listen to
anything that I have to say. After every other sentence or so he would stop me
and start talking and attacking what I have to say or defending what his
thoughts were. I mean normally I would give in because I knew that maybe I was
not hearing him out and I would tell him sorry.
I think being defensive is the worst type of communication. When you are defensive, you are on edge and you aren’t as open minded to what the other person has to say. You feel like you are being attacked, which allows you to not want to open up to that person, and then you could say things out of anger. The conversation isn’t productive. The book talks about defensiveness affecting both our perception and our subsequent behavior(Pg. 73) and I think this is absolutely accurate. When we are feeling defensive we aren’t thinking straight, or like I said seeing the other parties view so it fogs our state of mind.
ReplyDeleteI want to begin by letting you know this was a very good post. I liked the concept/idea that you picked and I thought what you had to say was very interesting. I like the topic of defensiveness. I liked how you explained that it happens when one of the parties do not want to admit that they are sensitive to their flaw. I believe that most people get defensive in many situations. People use their defense mechanism in order to keep them safe or not be embarassed. Overall, I think this was a very good post and I really like how you chose to write about defsiveness. Keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I just wanted to let you know that I enjoyed reading your post of defensiveness. The example that you used clearly showed how people can get defensive. One way that I feel people get defensive is if someone is using “you” statements. When people do this, it makes the other person feel that they are being attacked and that it is their entire fault. This can lead them to get defensive and may feel that they need to protect themselves. However, this can be avoided if we use “I” statements. Using “I” statements makes you own up to your feelings without the other person feeling that they are getting attacked.
Hi, Cynthia!
ReplyDeleteI loved that you pulled defensiveness out of the text, because I think it can be fatal to any sort of relationship! Thank you for sharing about your friend and how he was defensive, I've been there, too...to me it always seems like defensiveness is stemming from insecurities in either themselves or in their relationships. Whenever I feel like that, it might even be because I know that they have valid points but people don't like to admit they're wrong (myself included). If we learn to put our walls down and let other people in, even in times of conflict, I think that we would find deeper relationships that give our lives a whole new meaning. Thank you for the post, I found it a relatable read!
I think that everyone can relate to a time that they became defensive or someone they were in conflict with became defensive. I think becoming defensive is an instinct that everyone posses. Some people can hold back their defence and others might have a more difficulty being less defensive. I have many stories I could tell about times I have become defensive, like you I do not want to be proven wrong and that is when I tend to get the most defensive. I think that you picked a great topic that as you mentioned in your post, that anyone can relate to be defensive at one time or another. Great post.
ReplyDelete