After reading Chapter 3 in its entirety, answer the
following question: In dealing with conflicts, do you find that you tend toward
one orientation over another? Are
you satisfied with the outcome of conflicts when you act from this orientation? Do you favor the orientation all the
time or are there exceptions?
I believe I tend to lean
more to the other-centered orientation. Most of my outcomes are I lose-You win.
According to the chart I am accommodating since I tend to give in and give
power to the other person. There times when I am satisfied with this
orientation because I believe that it does end the conflict faster, but there
are times when I am not happy with it. The reason being because I believe I actually
should be the “winner” because I am right or my suggestions are better. Also it
does not allow me to voice out my opinion like I should.
Most of the time I lean
towards this orientation because I think I just want to accommodate to what the
other person wants because I do not have interest in the topic anymore. I simply
give up because I do not want to deal with the problem so to make the problem
go away I give in. When I do have interest to do what I want to do I will lean
toward the relationship-option, mostly with the compromise at the end of the
conflict.
Growing up, I favored a pretty aggressive approach when communicating with others. With time, I realized that this approach really pushed people away and also gave people a pretty negative impression of me. While I am now much more non-assertive and relationship-centered, it was interesting to me to read your post. Whenever I had encountered people in the past who were very accommodating and non-assertive, I didn’t realize that they probably were sometimes unhappy with the result of a conflict with a more dominant personality because they were seemingly satisfied; at least, on a surface level. I think that being non-aggressive can be a good thing and I believe that on some level it shows a high-level of maturity to be able to rise above a conflict and let others win, but it is also extremely important not to let others take advantage of a situation at your expense.
ReplyDeleteI do agree with you that a you win I lose attitude can sometimes end a conflict in a timely fashion. Going into great detail and complicating things can even cause more of a conflict. Yet I also have to agree that it can cause one person or the other to feel unsatisfied. I would hate to end a conflict feeling that I didn’t get any satisfaction at all. I have been in the same type of issue where I simply lose all interest in what is going on so I give in. I would have to say though I would not give in if the topic is very important to me. Great post!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you Cyyntthhia! I am that type of person as well. In my head I believe that I am right and have my own opinions, but tend to think that it is just easier to let the other person win. I do this because a) the fight gets done quicker and b) I like to make other people happy. It is hard to find the medium between the two and express your own feelings as well. If this really bugs you in a relationship and becomes a problem I would recommend expressing that to the other person. I did so with my boyfriend and now we both get a chance to explain our sides of the story and how it made the other person feel.
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this though. Reassures me that I'm not the only one :)