Week 11: D1

Going back to Chapter 10, answer the following question:  Do an Internet search using the terms forgiveness, reconciliation, and revenge.  What kinds of sites do you find?  Which term produces more sites?  Why do you think that is?

I used Google to make the search on forgiveness, reconciliation and revenge.

The first thing that came up for forgiveness was the Wikipedia link and after that it was a link to mayo clinic. Followed that was a bunch of articles ranging from NY Times to Psychology Today. As for reconciliation, the first link was to Wikipedia but it was reconciliation as a United States Congress term. Afterwards are links to sites that give the definition of the term. For revenge the first thing that shows up is the ABC drama. Even after that there were a lot of links regarding to the show.

The term that produces the more sites is revenge, in which according to Google with 60 million results. Forgiveness was right behind it with a little over 50 million, but reconciliation was around 11 million. One reason I believe that is the case is because of the television show, which added more result to the term. I also think a lot of people are having the revenge state of mind when they are in a conflict.  But as for credible results to the term, forgiveness is the winner. Through all the articles in my search I see how important forgiveness is to society.

Week 11: D2

After reading Chapter 12 in its entirety, answer the following question: When have false attributions you have made about another exacerbated a conflict situation?  Have there been times when making accurate attributions about the other has helped you? 

The attribution theory “states that people act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior”.  Recently I got in a fight with a friend and during the fight I made an internal attributions towards him. I said that he was lazy because he didn’t finish his stuff on time. When I made it, it sparked his fire more because he did not like the comment I made about him from my judgments. But I soon realize it was because he was tired from all the other stuff that he was doing during the week, which caused him to not finish on time.

There are times when I do make the right attributions and it was helpful. It makes the other person see what I am noticing about them with the argument. For instance when I fight with my “older sister” I will point something out about her, like why she is acting the way she is or what she cannot admit. Once she sees that, she will confess what I said about her is true and we seem to solve the problem much faster. 

Week 11: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences

I thought the idea of displaced conflict in chapter 12 was interesting. This happens when people direct their conflict towards the wrong person, because they are avoiding a confrontation with the appropriate person. We often do this on someone we feel “safe” with since we understand how this person will not get back at us and are patient with us. I think that this idea is very relatable because I often see it with others and myself. Often times I get mad with one of my best friends but I would not let the anger out on her. But instead I will release my anger to my parents or my other friends. I think I do this because I do not want to confront my friend in a fear of upsetting her and damaging the relationship. Another reason why I do it is because I know she is sensitive, if it is not a big deal I will just release my frustration to someone else. I know this is not the best solution but thankfully the ones who I displace the conflict on understand where I am coming from. 

Week 10: D1

After reading Chapter 9 in its entirety, answer the following question: If you are a member of a social networking website such as Facebook, think about the way you use it.  How do you present yourself?  What impressions do you hope people will get from reading your profile?  Have there been times people have posted something on your profile that you wished they hadn’t? 

I thought the idea of face is interesting, especially when it comes to it online. It is easy to portray someone online because we can gauge what we post about ourselves online for others to see. In recent years I became picky in the things that I would post on my Facebook or Instagram because I realized that I want people to know only certain things about me. It is also I don’t want to over share my life either.

I would like people to think I am a normal and fun girl on my Facebook and in all the other social networking website. Yes there are times when people post pictures of my past; like embarrassing middle school pictures that I do not want people to see. Also I do not like it when people post pictures of me at parties because I am friends with my bosses and co-workers on Facebook. I try to make sure what is posted online about me is presentable. 

Week 10: D2

After reading Chapter 10 in its entirety, answer the following question: Is there an event in your life that you find difficult to forgive?  What is it?  What makes it so difficult to forgive the other person?  If you are not experiencing a difficult event now, describe a past even that you have found difficult to forgive. 

I experienced many situations where I found it hard to forgive the other person. Right now I am finding it hard to forgive one my friends because he lied to me for a long period of time. We were considered to be “best friends” but in our relationship we had some misunderstanding. Due to the misunderstanding he was disappointed at me and he started to lie to me about a lot of things. It took him about half a year before he told me that was lying all this time and that he finally is okay with me and asked for my forgiveness. I told him I forgave him, but honestly I don’t think I did. It has been almost 2 years since then and I still find it hard to fully whole-heartedly forgive him.

I feel like it is hard to forgive because I was so emotional hurt by what happened and I do not know if I accept his apology. Every time he tries to even talk to me it is hard for me to talk to him. I guess it will just take some time before I can really forgive him.

Week 10: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

The concept that I want to talk about is unforgiveness in chapter 10. This means that one person does not let go of that anger and the idea of revenge on the other person. This is actually not healthy because it does lead to revenge and that can cause evil. Not only that but revenge can also harm someone for the rest of his or her lives.

Personally I never did anything to physically harm people because I was unforgiving, but I have done some pretty crazy things when it comes to revenge. One time I remember that I did not want to forgive someone because he wronged me. I was so mad at him that I went behind his back and made sure that he did not get the things he deserved. Basically a teacher/coach who I was sort of close to ask me about this person and asked me if he should put him into a game and I said no because he was not ready and he sucks. Of course afterwards I regretted it and I see how unforgiveness can be harmful.

Week 9: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences

The concept that I want to talk about this week is anger-ins. This means that there is no expression of anger to the person that is upsetting us. The book describes how people do this when they have a hard time admitting that they are angry, know that they are angry but they don’t want to tell the person, tell others about their anger but not the one who upsets them, and may be passive aggressive.

I thought that this concept was interesting because I can see myself acting on this. One reason being is the fact that there are times when I do not want to tell the other person. For example I tend to get frustrated with my co-worker, who is also a good friend of mine, because there are times that I do not agree with her. I would get a bit angry with her but I do not want to tell her since I know I will get over it soon. I do not want her to know that I am angry with her because it might damage the relationship a bit. 

Week 9: D2

After reading Chapter 8 in its entirety, answer the following question: Are you a person who tends to blow up, do you express your anger calmly, or do you simply not express it at all?  What are the outcomes of expressing anger in this way?

I think I express anger in many different ways due to the situation that I am in.  Sometimes I tend to blow up but there are other times when I am calm. I am more likely to blow up if I am arguing with someone and I seem to cannot get my ideas into the other person’s head. I can get pretty heated up when I do not get my way or it seems as if this argument will not end. With this I have damage some relationships in the past because I acted irrationally. But this is a rather rare occurrence because I have learned to control my anger. When I act calmly, I tend to just listen to the person because I am interested in what they are saying. I think this happens because I treasure the relationship more and I do not want to blow on them. Because I act more calmly in a conflict I am able to solve it with more agreeable terms.

Week 9: D1

After reading Chapter 7 in its entirety, answer the following question: Look at your work and school commitments.  How might you apply each of the “three solutions” to improve how you feel about your job and school? 

I admit that I get pretty stressed out with work and school. But through all the stress there are solutions to make life a little more stress-free. One of the solutions is to differentiate work and play. We “play” to balance our workload. One thing that I do is go to the gym, something that I can do mindlessly, because it helps me get my mind off of the things I have to do for work or school. The second solution is to lighten up. Sometimes when I am work I tend to joke around more and just take things a little slow if I can. By giving a positive outlook at my projects, it makes it less stressful and hard. Lastly the third solution is to understand that joy and pain are often found in the same place. For me this means that writing that paper might be hard and long but at the end of it I feel relived.

Week 7: D3

Pick one concept or idea from this week’s assigned reading and discuss it.  Be sure to relate the concept/idea to you personally by using examples from your life and/or experiences.

An interesting concept that I have seen applied in my life is powerless speech. The book states that powerless speech is talking up to others, making requests or asking questions. This normally happens when someone is nonassertive in the discussion or conversation.

I have seen people execute this concept in most group projects. I recall in high school there were always people in my group that does not seem like they care about what was going on or wanted to give any legit input.  When members of a group are incompetent, they would throw words like “could, maybe, I guess so, don’t know”. This is because they do not have any power in the group so they are not sure if their words can make a difference. When there is uncertainty, they give comments that seem to be rather easily dismissed so that at least it looks like they try in the discussion. To me I rather have someone say nothing than to give a powerless speech. 

Weel 7:D2

After reading Chapter 6 in its entirety, answer the following question: How does it feel when you are in an unbalanced power relationship?  What is it like to have more power?  Less power? 

In almost every relationship it seems as if there is always one person more dominant or powerful. Power in relationship is the ability to influence or have control over a situation. It is easy to use power to manipulate people.

When I am in an unbalanced power relationship I feel as if someone is trying to use and control me. I believe that we all face the unbalanced power relationship everyday.
It is nice to have more power because it feels like you are in control of what is going on. Your suggestions and comments actually might mean something because people would want to agree with you. When you have power you can determine if the goal will be met or not. At times we get out of hands with this power.  But having less power can be good as well because it means less stress and pressure on your part in the group. The bad part of this is sometimes you might not be heard and at times even threatened by people who are more powerful.

Week 7: D1

After reading Chapter 6 in its entirety, answer the following question: When have you ever lost your trust in someone?  How did you react to the loss of trust?  How was the trust restored?

Trust means a strong belief in someone’s honesty. We place our trust in someone because we think the other person will not hurt us and will keep our interest in mind.

I personally have lost trust in some people in the recent years. One time I lost my trust in one of my good friends because he wasn’t completely honest with me for months. I did not take it well because when I realized that I did not trust him anymore. I still recall how mad I was at him. The second I knew that I shouldn’t trust him anymore my stomach like sank. For a good four months I barely talk to him or even acknowledge his presence in our group. After this little grudge was over, I was not able to talk to him like I have before.

It took a long time, but around a year later my trust in him finally restored. He proved himself to me that he was trustworthy and he was not going to break that trust again. I have to say that our relationship isn’t the same as before but its slowly getting better and I am learning to trust him again.